What's in Your Hand? (Hint it's more than you think!) Part 1 - Letting Go

I’ve lived a life in a rhythm of full and empty, full and empty; at times clutching abundance with clenched fists and other times freely giving from meager provisions; full and empty. God puts a seed in my hand and I either eat the seed, clutch the gift or freely give it away. My responses vary from greed and gluttony, to generosity and surrender..

I’ve always believed that when God wants to change something around or in me that He will put something in my hand. What I do with it can change everything. It can either be scattered to provide a bountiful future or I can be found in my casket grasping the seed after my dying breath. However, sometimes in order to receive what God is trying to put in our hands, we must empty them first.

Deuteronomy admonishes, “Do not be hard-hearted or tight fisted…Rather be openhanded…” In context, this is referring to generosity to the poor, but I would guess that the same rule applies to our relationship with God. Will I be stingy with my Creator who gives me all that I need? What am I holding back from Him? Is there a part of me that I grab from His hands declaring “Mine!” like a toddler and her favorite toy? Am I hanging on to grudges and wounds that God’s Spirit longs to dress and heal? Am I demanding an identity apart from Image Bearer? Am I grieving the loss of a role that I once enjoyed playing but like an autumn leaf has floated silently to its grave? There are so many ways to hold on to what God hasn’t given. They become part of our identity.

Moses experienced a radical change of identity more than once. He was raised as kin to king. He enjoyed luxury and power. But his passion for justice led him to his true identity as a deliverer. Still, there had to be days that he remembered what it was like to live like royalty and long for an easier way of like, but his calling was greater than his longing for comfort. Moses let go of one identity to choose another. He chose to identify with the children of Israel who were slaves rather than with the family who raised him in the palace. This pathway is very different than that of Joseph who 300 years earlier immersed himself in Egyptian culture in order to save his people. In a complete role reversal, Moses was required to deny Egyptian culture and identify with Israel. In an act of passion for his people, he took matters into his own hands and found himself a murderer and running to the wilderness.

Again he protected those who were being harassed unjustly. He protected some women at a well. He could not help being who he was created to be: a deliverer. This time the reward was marriage into a nomadic priest’s family and the occupation of a shepherd. From royalty to murderer, to wandering shepherd; quite the opposite of the ladder of success. One day, while making his regular rounds, Moses found himself staring at the impossible: a curious thing, a bush that burned, but wasn’t consumed. In the middle of his workday, in the middle of the ordinary, he moved toward the mystery. He paid attention to what made him curious.

Curiosity is a luxury. When we are enslaved by our schedules we have very little time for what makes us curious. Moses allowed himself the luxury of checking out what seemed to be a mystery. Most days I get swallowed up by my to-do lists, by what I feel are my responsibilities. I don’t leave time to for burning bushes. Lately I feel like there are so many things that I must do as a responsible and kind follower of Christ. It feels like a burden that would extinguish any fiery bush curiosity in my life. I struggle to see what I am being invited to do versus the slavery of what others say what must be done. My hands grasp these do or die responsibilities and I can’t experience the joy of the curious. They snuff out the fire of joy and my fingernails dig into my palms, fists closed.

Moses was wiser than me. He went to investigate what made him curious. He had questions to be answered. And when he arrived the bush spoke! A voice came from seeking out the curious and bewildering. And when I’m too busy to explore in childlike wonder of those things which make me curious, what voices do I ignore? What instructions do I not hear? What life-altering opportunities do I miss?

These are holy moments, for God asked Moses to take off his shoes. Exploring the curious is holy ground. God wants to speak through the holy curious. His Presence is present there. He introduced Himself personally to Moses. This began a face to face relationship like none other recorded in the Bible…All because Moses paid attention to what made him curious.

God asked for Moses’ identity a second time. The first time was more out of the calling God gave, but this second time it was out of a mission whose time had come. God asked Moses, “What is that in your hand?” (Ex. 4:2) and then He said, “Throw it on the ground.”(Ex. 4:3) Moses had to let go of the staff that was in his hand in order to pick up the plans God had for him. In essence, the had to throw down his identity as a shepherd of sheep and become a shepherd of people. It was time for Moses to be who God had created him to be: a deliverer of people.

The same staff that he let go of became the very instrument that turned water into blood, made a way of escape, brought provision in the way of water, and victory in the heat of battle. The miraculous use of the staff began by throwing it down near a fiery bush that could have easily consumed it and made it no more. Throwing it down required risk. Risk requires trust. Moses risked throwing it all down because he trusted God.

I wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed simply because I was too busy to be curious; too busy to recognize the holy ground of submitting what is in my hand so that I can pick up who God says that I am and use the resources He has given me for greater things. What false ideas am I grasping, gripping tightly while God coaxes me like a child to open my hand and let go of what shouldn’t be in order to gain what could be?

I’ve lived a life full and empty, full and empty. Lord, let me let go of yesterday and fully embrace today so that I can do what You have for me tomorrow. Help me see You in the beautifully curious world and hear what You are saying to me in the middle of it. Help me recognize what is holy in the ordinary of my day so that I can let go of everything and relinquish ownership to You the seed You’ve put in my hand. Grow it into what You will, not what I will. Help me hold on to who You say that I am and all that You’ve given me to accomplish Your will in my life.